I have a very poor sense of direction.
I can walk into one store in a shopping plaza or mall and be unable to remember which way I’m going when I come out, except to look at which stores I’ve already been in.
Truth be told, in college I was headed home for a special weekend. Leaving the University of Dayton I was stopping to pick up a former boyfriend in Columbus, OH before heading on to North East Ohio. I got on I-70 and hit the cruise and didn’t realize I wasn’t on my way to Columbus until the “Welcome to Indiana” sign stretched across the highway.
Thankfully I’ve never been so lost that I couldn’t find my way to where I was going.
But lately, I think I’ve been lost. Not physically lost, but figuratively unsure of where I was going or who I was.
Growing up I always had a strong sense of self and what path I would take. Confident and convicted I used to forge on and tackle the challenges that were in the way.
But somewhere along the journey, I started to lose my sense of direction.
Maybe it was when I went of to college and left the safety and security of wonderful friends and small community attempting to try to reinvent myself only to realize it wasn’t so easy.
It might have happened a little bit when I fell in love and got married. Instead of single handedly charting my course, I had a partner, someone to share road with. It was wonderful, but looking back sometimes when I might have gone left, he went right and while we made choices together, when you work as a successful team, there’s always some sacrifice.
I know I lost a little more of myself when I became a mom. I’m not sure if it’s even preventable in the early years of diapers and sleepless nights. So many times survival is all that’s possible. Dreams and plans get put on hold as you muster up the energy to be strong for your little one, kiss away another booboo and try to keep yourself from falling apart in the middle of it all.
The trouble is, there wasn’t a big flashing sign on the highway of life that said “wrong way.” A detour here and there and before I knew it I was like a pin ball being bounced around feeling everyone else’s emotions, taking on other people’s dreams and forgetting who I was and what I wanted on the way.
I don’t think I’ve found my way yet, and I’m certainly not at my final destination. But I think I’m back in the driver’s seat, mindfully charting my course, directing my path and intentionally choosing the turns I will take.
How do you know when you’re lost, and what do you do to get back on track?